The Importance of Communication

Growing up, my dad always taught me that communication is very important and that it should be used every day as far as making plans and creating a schedule so everyone is in the know. But I found that communication is not only important with our friends and family, but it is also extremely important with our Father in Heaven. Communicating is able to strengthen relationships and that allows the relationship to grow and to flourish. According to David D. Burns, MD. there are five secrets to effective communication that he wrote about in his book, "Feeling Good Together". The first step is to apply the disarming technique. Agree to stop blaming each other by being honest with yourself and taking full responsibility for your actions. This is when you find the kernel of truth which means to find the answer  as to why someone in the situation would do that or feel that way. This allows the conversation to be so much more effective because people are able to understand the situation on a whole new level using empathy. This leads me to the second step which is actually called though empathy meaning you need to repeat what they said. This will show the other person that you are listening and being attentive and it will also help you remember more about the conversation and start feeling what they feel. The third step is called gentle inquiry. Invite to share thoughts and feelings kindly with generosity. This is also an important part because both people will then understand how each of you are feeling. The fourth step is assertiveness. Not that this is not anger nor frustration. Your goal is to be clear with your words. Here is an outline that will help. When (event/circumstance) I feel/felt (emotion) because (thoughts) I would like (compromise or what you would think will help). This is very simple, but it can also be very difficult. One can't say something like, "When you were a jerk, I felt so angry because you were being a jerk and I would like you to stop being a jerk." That doesn't work because it won't solve anything in the situation. And if that is all you feel in a conversation then you better go back to step one and start feeling some empathy for that other person. Note that you need to express a certain event or circumstance, your emotions, and thoughts about the situation you are in. You can't use the same thing for every fill in line. Step number five is also simple, but can also be hard. Have and show authentic respect and admiration to that person. It has to be genuine or the person will be able to tell so easily it isn't real. Finding that admiration will help so much in a relationship. It is proven that more people are interested in making their own points than mending the relationship, so if you start out this communication with taking the blame away and just respecting them, you will have a much, MUCH better outcome than before. Lastly, this should be how people communicate every day. You know what they say, practice makes perfect! But really, I am being serious. This can help so much, not only a relationship with a significant other, family member, or a friend, but with yourself as well. Self love is also important. As you stop blaming yourself for everything, take on the responsibility of your actions and work towards a goal to become more effective, saving time to have a self assessment on where you are at with things and what you can do better, you will feel like an organized, healthy individual. Communicating is key when it comes to relationships, so do it right.