Family Dynamics & Theories

I always grew up thinking Grandpa Wilde just didn't like me. He never gave hugs, never said I love you, and didn't really talk to me that much. While I continued to study this relationship as a ten year-old, my grandpa on the other side of the family (Grandpa Durrant) passed away. I was really close with Grandpa Durrant. We would cook together, eat tomatoes like apples, make homemade French fries, and eat expired Kraft Mac and Cheese, a staple at the grandparents' home. We spent quality time with each other, giving me the opportunity to really feel his love for me as a grandchild. When he died of a heart attack, I was crushed. I felt like I had lost a best friend. I needed a "grandpa best friend" again so ten year-old me got to work. Every time we went over to Grandpa Wilde's house, I would try my best to get some new information out of him. I would ask him questions about him growing up or how he met grandma, and when he wouldn't answer, I'd just ask my mom. When it came time to say goodbye, I would tell him that I loved him and give him a big hug. Don't let this fool you, I was actually terrified the first couple of times I did this because I barely even knew the guy. Later, I would find out that he had a rough childhood and many trials that led him to close off some of his emotions. However, that didn't stop me from showing that love for him. Now, my grandpa and I are closer than ever. He just started saying "I love you" back! I'd say that is a pretty big milestone. The reason that I bring this up is because of a conversation that I had with my Family Relations class. We have been discussing different theories that are prevalent in the family, and one stuck out to me: the Symbolic Interaction theory.

The Symbolic Interaction theory is used to explain that "humans [are] primarily as cognitive creatures who are influenced and shaped by their interaction experiences" (Lauer and Handel, 1983). This basically means that the experiences we have throughout our lives build us into certain people. Not only that, but our experiences that we have can change future interactions as well. How interesting is that? SO very interesting! This theory explains so much about my encounters with my grandfather. He witnessed and was subject to so much abuse and turmoil in his life. The way that he acts now symbolizes what he went through in his early years, and that makes total sense. Grandpa experienced so much pain in his childhood and teenage years that it became hard for him to open up again. That is why he was closed off and distant with me. Now, since I was so used to a grandfather who was open with me, I wanted to create that kind of environment with Grandpa Wilde, too. The get-togethers and interactions I had with Grandpa Durrant made me want to continue those types of experiences with Grandpa Wilde. I think it is safe to say that those interactions definitely influenced both Grandpa Wilde and I. 

Another important part of this theory that I would like to touch on is the definition of the situation. Each person looks at a scenario differently which leads us to believe that something is going on, when really it isn't. For example, " a man may be very jealous of his girlfriend because he believes she is flirting with other men. In point of fact, she may be completely faithful to her boyfriend. But if he perceives her to be flirting, there will be real-and perhaps damaging- consequences to the relationship" (Lauer & Lauer). Just like that instance, I thought my grandpa didn't talk with me because he didn't like me, but I was completely wrong. I didn't know the true definition of the situation, but now that I do, it makes all the difference.

 This theory has taught me so much about certain relationships that I have with people. I hope that it will help you too!